― Dr. Seuss
Having recently completed a few dozen revisions on my YA contemporary romance (yes, I can recite this novel in my sleep), the idea of less is more has been on my mind. Pacing, pacing, pacing! Simply stated, extra words often get in the way.
But which ones?
In a day and age where high-speed entertainment can be had at the click of a button, readers are impatient. Books have to compete. Gosh darn! Gone are the days when authors could indulge themselves page after page in lengthy descriptions in a (now nearly-extinct) prologue (for pros and cons of prologues in today's writing, click here). For better or worse, writing has changed. However much I love the classics, I wonder how differently their authors would have written them to compete in today's market.
Here are a few specifics I've learned to cut:
-Incidental action
-Filter words
-Passive verbs
-Unwarranted detail and needless description
EXAMPLE:
Suzy gripped my shoulder with her hand. “Are you okay?”
I watched as a waitress chatted up the Maitre d' down the hall, twirling her hair around her finger and laughing far too much. Seriously, what could be so funny? It all reminded me of the mess I was in, how Becky probably flirted with my finance behind my back just like this before he finally dumped me and ran off with her. I lifted a finger and wiped a tear from my cheek. “I’ll be fine.”
“Here,” Suzy said as she reached for a cup of hot chocolate sitting on the restaurant table and picked it up. “Drink this. Chocolate helps everything.”
Was this painful to read? I hope so. Find any words that deserve the butcher knife? I’ll highlight a few.
Suzy gripped my shoulder with her hand. “Are you okay?”
I watched as a waitress chatted up the Maitre d' down the hall, twirling her hair around her finger and laughing far too much. Seriously, what could be so funny? It all reminded me of the mess I was in, how Becky probably flirted with my finance behind my back just like this before he finally dumped me and ran off with her. I lifted a finger and wiped a tear from my cheek. “I’ll be fine.”
“Here,” Suzy said as she reached for a cup of hot chocolate sitting on the restaurant table and picked it up. “Drink this. Chocolate helps everything.”
In fact, let’s cut even more and do a little rearranging. How does this sound?
Suzy gripped my shoulder. “Are you okay?”
A waitress chatted up the Maitre d’ down the hall, twirling her hair the way I imagine Becky did when she flirted with my fiancé behind my back. And stole him from me. I wiped a tear. “I’ll be fine.”
Suzy snagged the nearest cup of hot chocolate. “Here, chocolate helps everything.”
Ah. From 113 words to 59, we have cut this passage down by half. What’s more, does it have a different feel? By tightening the wording, have we improved the pacing? By using “less” have we achieved “more?” To me, the stripped-down version is far more gripping, delivered with a punch, and I’m much more likely to read on.
Enough of my yapping. How do they feel to you? I'd love your thoughts on the matter. Thanks for visiting!
Photo Credit:
Image: ningmilo / FreeDigitalPhotos.net
ningmilo / FreeDigitalPhotos.net
http://www.freedigitalphotos.net/images/view_photog.php?photogid=2238
Wow! What a huge improvement from the first portion. I am such a wordy person so I know this would be a major hurdle for me if I was to ever attempt to write anything.
ReplyDeleteDo it, Em! Write a book! It's SO much fun.
ReplyDeleteWow, this is very interesting. Makes me want to tackle my MS right now, haha! New follower :)
ReplyDelete